Spoke Magazine

Santa doesn’t like giving Bikes for Christmas

Posted by pieter on Tuesday December 24 2013

Santa roof

Santa doesn’t like giving Bikes for Christmas.

Santa has to fly all around the world delivering nice “little” presents to all the Boys and Girls and all we want are new adult sized Mountain Bikes – you ever think how much space that takes up in his sled?

Santa is standing on your roof looking at your new modern chimney, or lack of one, if you live in Christchurch; do you think a Mountain Bike would even fit down a chimney? Have you ever disassembled a bike on top of your roof, in the cold and middle of the night so you can cram a Mountain Bike bit by bit down an undersized chimney?

Once Santa is inside, he has to reassemble your bike in a living room, by Christmas Tree-light, trying not to get oil on the carpet all while being quiet as a mouse not to wake you up? Your partner isn’t impressed that you got oil on your carpet, when you thought it was a good idea to overhaul your bike in front of the TV the other week. Your partner isn’t going to be impressed if some fat stranger does it.

Once Santa is done disassembling and reassembling your Mountain Bike he takes a moment to drink the beer you left out for him and it’s your weird boutique home brew IPA, which is full of flavour and hops. You have been pushing that crap on everyone all year, now you are giving it to the man that is giving you your dream bike?

Santa especially hates delivering road bikes, at least Mountain Bikers leave some sort of Beer and Cookies. Roadies leave out Power Bars and Hydration Formula. Yuck!

Once Santa has delivered the toys to all the boys and girls, he then disassembles and reassembles Mountain Bikes and Road Bikes for all the adults; this takes up a lot of time and that is why Santa doesn’t make it to the African countries. So how about next year you ask for socks ’n’ undies and help the kids.

Santa build

  • Forgot to clean the chimney

    Good laugh at this one…..then there is wrapping the suckers! Been there with the kids bikes (oops I mean Santa did)…..that was shit-loads of wrapping paper and tape!!