Seven reasons why your Bike Mechanic doesn’t like you.

Seven Reasons why your Bike Mechanic doesn’t like you.
First thing you have to realise is your Bike Mechanic knows everything. They may not have had any formal training or qualifications, but despite all of this, they know everything. The reason they know everything is because you know nothing and with such a large void of nothingness isn’t it lucky that your bike mechanic can fill it?

Reason number one why your bike mechanic doesn’t like you – You are explaining to them how it should be fixed. Yet you brought it into them to get it fixed. If you know how to fix it, why is it at the bike shop?

Reason two – You are now explaining to them that it’s a fast fix and it shouldn’t take too long and that way it shouldn’t cost too much. But you broke it and I repeat; you have brought it into the bike shop to get fixed.

Reason three – You are now describing some obscure tool that you found on the internet and the internet said all bike shops should have it, and that they should use it. While we’re talking about advice that the internet has given about what bike shops should have, bike shops generally don’t have boxes and boxes of spare old parts out the back that they just can’t wait to give you, so you can build a fixed gear bike.

Reason four – You misread what I just wrote and are now asking for old parts for your fixed gear bike… Damn it!

Reason five – You are now asking to borrow their tools. What you don’t realise is they not only know everything, but see everything, including the rounded out heads on the bolts on your stem, from when you roughly adjusted them last.

Reason six – You have an issue with your bike and just describe it as a “blue” bike.

And reason number seven why your Bike Mechanic doesn’t like you – Realising that you just described your bike as a blue bike, you quickly add it’s a Giant (or Merida, Specialized, GT etc) How many times have you given someone shit when they described their car in the same manner?

But don’t worry here are some tips to woo your bike mechanic.

Next time they do a quick fix on your bike and don’t charge, buy them a coffee. They only cost $4 and they will be more likely to keep helping you out.
Next time they do a big job and help you out heaps, buy them some beers. They only cost $20 for a dozen and it’s a really good way to butter them up for more information and help.
But if your Mechanic doesn’t like coffee or beer, then they are clearly a miserable bastard and you should find a new one.

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