cracked paint job
Number One: As you walk into a bike shop, are you aware that you start reviewing everything you see and touch? You generally show your reviewing skills in one of two ways. Either you nod your head with a slight squint in your eyes and look all thoughtful and shit; this generally shows everyone you like it. Or you shake your head and show a facial expression like you’re about to gag on a big wad of gel from a squeezy that just hit the back of your throat unexpectedly. This generally means you don’t like it, just in case you didn’t figure it out.

Number Two: You swing your leg over a bike and with the brakes locked on, you pump the suspension up and down. Except this time you’re shaking your head and you look like you’ve swallowed a massive wad. The suspension feels very soft, yet at the same time very firm. During all of this, the sales assistant is shaking their head and rolling their eyes back, while wishing they’d pumped up the tyres that morning. They hope you notice this once you stop gagging.

Number Three: On another bike you’re reviewing you give only a casual head nod, but you know it could be better so you start to adjust the throw of the brake levers, then the rebound and compression on the forks. Except this bike belongs to the mechanic, and the manager forgot to chain him back up after his lunch and now he’s free to let loose…

Number Four: The sales assistant is watching while you smell the tyres and convinces himself that some people like the smell of rubber. Smelling the lubricants is kind of normal because they’re designed to smell nice, but when you finally start smelling the second hand saddles (bike seats) they start to wonder if you’re the sort of person they want to serve.

Number Five: If a bike these days looks like it doesn’t have any welds and is really expensive, it’s probably carbon. So please contain yourself and don’t flick it really hard, because while you’re nodding your head, it’s about to be an awkward conversation about how you may have just cracked a lightweight paint job…

Crazy and random things happen in bike shops. What have you seen while working or visiting your local bike shop that made you wonder?

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